I miss Sioux City.
Weird.
This is unlike the feeling I had a few years ago. What I felt then was not reminisce, but the yearn to move-on. To go places. To become successful. I didn't see Sioux City as the city to fit those needs. But of course, back then I had a whole different "plan". A plan that did not go as I thought.
On a hot, August morning, I was ready to leave. I had packed my things up weeks in advance. I was anxious to move on to my next adventure. I didn't really think much about the good-byes. I am reluctant to say that I, didn't care much about them. After all, I didn't know if my mother really supported my decision of moving 3.5 hours away, and I wasn't sure what my dad thought. My departure from home was more sweet then bitter. The fact that I was leaving was sweet, for me. Maybe the way I left added some bitterness over the years after.
My dad always trusted my decisions. I don't think he saw any reason why I shouldn't go to college. After all, he didn't graduate high school, much less go to college. He had to quit school to help support my grandmother and his siblings. Even though it was tough to know at times, he really does want the best for my siblings and I. I think he has some regrets as well. Decisions he had made in the past, and that he has learned to move on.
He arrived in California at the young age of 17. He worked at several restaurants, and even passed up an opportunity to go to college. I don't know any details. I don't know if it was a specific career that was offered to him. All I know is that he passed it up. Maybe he didn't see it working out. Maybe all he had to do is work. I think that's one of his biggest regrets.
I think back to that a lot. As we all know, if I would've stuck with a program at Iowa State, I would be a college graduate. I am not. In fact, I am currently not enrolled. Why, do you ask? Well, through all those years of searching for my calling while in college, I realized that music was my destiny. I knew at a young age, and I kinda just brushed it off. All the people around me: coaches, counselors, family, friends; they said music was not a stable profession, unless you become an educator. So, I subconsciously gave in to that way of thinking, and worked on improving my math and science skills. I decided to pursue a career in the health field. I wanted to become a doctor. I wanted to make my parents proud, and prove my extended family wrong.
Well, here I sit. Four years later, and no degree (does my coaching authorization count? Haha.) No degree, but I have learned many things throughout these years after high school. The most important being to trust your heart and to go after YOUR dreams.... after you figure them out. It took me sometime to grow up, admit, and realize that no matter what I do, music is always number one in my heart. I figured out that my dad just wanted me to be happy with what I do. Although being a doctor would be great and flashy, it's not what I truly wanted. I could help people in other ways. Turns out that people enjoy it when I sing. I enjoy it too.
Now, I'm stuck at "well, how do I pursue this?". Even though I would like to get a degree in music, it's not really necessary, unless I want to become a teacher. So, now what? Work at a bar, and sing everywhere I can? That's what a lot of artists had to do. But, from a logical perspective: I have student loans to pay off, so I can't be a music bum quite yet. Working low-income jobs isn't going to take care of those quickly. If I went back to school for Music education, I could become a teacher when I finally get my degree, and hopefully pay them off quicker. Though, getting my degree will take 2-3 years. I could probably pay my current student loans off in less than that. But, in the long run, I wouldn't have a degree to fall back on.
Back when my dad was 17, the decision might have been clearer in his situation. Go to school. However, times have changed. College students now are in debt for many years after they graduate. Maybe college isn't in the cards for me. Maybe, I should just work at a humble job, pay off loans and... move on. Problem is, when I was 17, that was the last thing I thought of myself doing. I don't want to regret, like my father.
In the past, I wanted to prove to others that I could become something. Now, all I want to prove is that nothing is impossible, if you truly believe in your heart that it's your calling. After all, the answer is always "no", until you try.
